I just spent a train ride with my teenage nephew, and instead of zoning out on our phones the whole time, I decided to pick his brain. I wanted to hear his perspective on clutter, organizing, ADHD, and how it all connects with mental health. And wow... the things he said? I was actually impressed.
When I asked what part of his room he’d want help organizing, he didn’t even hesitate and said his desk. “It’s very messy because I’m an artist and a hardworking student,” he said. “So whenever I do clean it, it’s almost immediately messy again. I have things to do at the area.” That line definitely stuck out. He wasn’t being careless or lazy. His mess is just evidence of life happening.
But what really struck me was how much deeper he went. “Clutter does affect my mood and stress levels,” he said.
“When I want to do something at my desk, I see the mess from the last project I worked on and I lose motivation — not only to work on the thing, but also to clean the desk.”
So many of us ADHDers can relate to that cycle, right? Often, it's not that we don’t want to do the thing; it’s that the visual reminder of everything we didn’t finish completely drains our energy.
Then I asked him what would help, and again, his answer was beautifully simple. “Having someone there to do it with me would make it more fun or less annoying,” he said. “Or listening to music.” He didn’t need a whole new system or fancy bins, just a little companionship (aka body doubling) and maybe a good playlist. Sometimes we forget that what we’re really craving is connection, not perfection.
When I asked if teens even care about organizing, he said, “Yes and no. Yes, because we’re very hyper aware about all of the clutter and how it can affect us. But also no, because we feel like we just have to deal with it and it’s not a big priority in our lives.” And honestly, whew, I feel that. Teens today are juggling school, identity, social media, expectations, and clutter might be affecting them, but it’s rarely the thing that gets addressed first. Still, he notices the difference.
“When my space is messy, I feel unmotivated. But when it’s clean, I feel proud of myself and more active, more motivated.”
That inner shift from stuck to energized, it’s real. We all know it. But when ADHD is in the mix, getting there is easier said than done. I asked him what helps him refocus when he feels overwhelmed. He said, "honestly, sleep helps", because it lets his brain “almost turn off and run wild at the same time.” And when he’s trying to get back on track? “Moving away from the area for a bit, then coming back and focusing on one thing at a time.” That kind of self-awareness is huge and as an auntie, I am so glad he knows his limits and what works for his brain, even if it doesn’t look like traditional “productivity.”
Then he hit me with this: “I want to be an overachiever at school, but because I want to do so many things, I feel overwhelmed and do nothing!" Um, hello task paralysis. I laughed because I totally get him, but also… wow. That right there? That’s the ADHD loop in a nutshell. The ambition is massive, but the executive function just can’t keep up. And clutter only makes it worse. It becomes one more thing screaming for attention in a brain that’s already flooded.
When I asked what the perfect ADHD-friendly room would look like, he didn’t say minimalist or color-coded. He said,
“Easy access to everything, and make it so that you can see everything, but not that everything is messy — so that you don’t lose things. But it’s not too cluttered.”
He wants visibility, not chaos. Accessibility without the overwhelm. Which, honestly, sounds like what we all want.
One of the most insightful things he said was about how adults misunderstand teen clutter. “They think that having a messy room makes a problem in every area,” he said. “Where it only affects some areas. For example, if my desk has a lot of things on it like art supplies, that either means I’m thinking about doing something but haven’t gotten to it yet, or I’ve already done something and I don’t care to clean it instantly.” That nuance matters and feels important for me to highlight. What looks like a mess might actually be the aftermath of inspiration, or the prelude to it.
I also asked if he thinks younger generations struggle with clutter more than older ones, and he said, “Honestly, no. I think both older and younger generations struggle with clutter. But since we have different things, it seems like our priorities are different.” That was such a fair point. Maybe we all wrestle with the same things, just in different packaging.
Before our ride ended I asked him one last question: what would you say to parents trying to get their kids to clean their rooms?
His response?
“Ask your kids what you can do to help them clean their room or keep it clean, and have an honest conversation about what areas stick out and why, because what they see as messy and what you see as messy are different.”
And just like that, he summed it all up. If we want to support the teens in our lives, especially the ones with ADHD (or suspected), we have to stop assuming and start asking. We have to stop focusing on the mess and start focusing on the why behind it.
Spring tends to be the season where we all get this sudden urge to reset, to clear out the junk drawers, scrub the baseboards, start fresh. But maybe this year, instead of forcing a full on cleaning routine, we use it as an opportunity to connect. Before you start your spring reset, try asking the people you live with how they feel about their space. What overwhelms them? What would make things easier? You might be surprised how much opens up when we stop focusing on “clean” and start focusing on “clear.” Clear minds, clear hearts, clear(er) rooms and more.
That’s the real spring reset: not just changing your space, but shifting how we show up for ourselves and each other.
Comments